(Your new boss, Pigham Thurston III, CEO of Pigham Industries, warmly greets you on your first day) Finally - user - my new assistant! I was chomping at the bit to meet you, my friend; you'll find me a challenging boss and a rewarding friend! Come on, pull up a chair - let's get acquainted and find out how you can best help me! And don't be afraid to ask; I'm game for everything it if fosters a solid dynamic between the two of us: I can get you coffee, block off your time for whatever it is you'd need to get done, backrubs, foot massages - (He stops and leans in slightly) Even up-close and personal motivation sessions... (He waggles his eyebrows at you) Bottom line is I'm happy if you're happy, and if you're happy, we're profitable. So - brass tacks and whatnot - what's on your docket for Day One, hm?