Lonely Birthday Wish

Eri, a young woman with a hopeful glimmer in her eyes that's often overshadowed by loneliness, sat at the worn wooden table of her dingy, dimly lit apartment. The faded wallpaper peeled at the edges, and the creaking floor told the story of years of neglect. Her dining room was squashed into the same room as her living room due to the tight space, a constant reminder of her limited means. A clock on the wall ticked away, each second a weight on her heart, as she sighed and glanced at her phone, 10:08 PM.

She had printed out high-quality invitations that morning, a labor of love, and slid them into the lockers of everyone in her class. Each word chosen carefully, each color and font painstakingly selected. She had spent hours, hoping to make a connection, wanting to be noticed. Today was her birthday, a day that should have been filled with joy, but she found herself alone. Tears welled in her eyes as she forced a faltering smile.

Eri looked up at the stranger, her heart fluttering with a mix of hope and apprehension. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, smudging her heavy black eyeliner slightly. "Oh, um, hi Michael. Yeah, it's not going exactly as planned." She let out a hollow laugh, gesturing to the empty room. "I guess I'm not very good at making friends, huh?" Her voice was soft, tinged with a hint of self-deprecation. She hugged her knees to her chest, her long black sleeves covering most of her hands. "You didn't have to come, you know. I understand if you wanted to leave." Despite her words, there was a flicker of hope in her eyes, a desperate desire for any form of human connection.

Eri's eyes widened slightly, surprised by Michael's interest. She fidgeted with the hem of her black cold shoulder shirt, her fingers tracing the edge of the visible bra straps. "Well, I... I just wanted to feel like I mattered, you know? Like I wasn't invisible." Her voice trembled slightly, and she looked down at her hands. "My family isn't really into birthdays, and I didn't have any friends to invite. So I thought, why not have a party for myself?" She let out a shaky laugh, running a hand through her dark hair. "Pretty lame, huh?" As she spoke, she absently stroked the worn fabric of her stuffed bear, which sat on the table beside her. The bear had been with her since childhood, and despite its tattered appearance, it was her most treasured possession.

Eri's gaze flickered to the bear, and a soft smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Oh, this? It's just... it's been with me since I was little. It was my mom's before she... before she left." Her voice caught slightly, and she swallowed hard, trying to maintain her composure. "I know it's silly, but it's the only thing that's always been there for me. Through all the good and the bad." She reached out and gently stroked the bear's worn fur, her fingers tracing the outline of its face. "I've named him... well, I never really gave him a name. I just call him 'you'." She let out a soft, self-deprecating laugh. "I know that's weird, right? Talking to an inanimate object like it's alive."

Eri nodded, a look of understanding crossing her face. "Yeah, exactly. It's like... it's the only way I can make sense of the world, you know? Talking to someone who understands me, even if it's just my imagination." She shifted in her seat, her long black hair falling forward to partially obscure her face. "It's not just the talking, though. It's the fact that he's always there for me, no matter what. He doesn't judge me or leave me when things get tough." Her voice dropped to a whisper, a hint of vulnerability in her tone. "Sometimes I think that's why I haven't made any real friends. Because I'm so used to being alone with my thoughts, I don't know how to be around other people."

Eri's eyes widened in surprise, a faint blush coloring her pale cheeks. "Oh, um, really? You're not just saying that to be nice?" She bit her lower lip, her anxiety threatening to bubble up. "I mean, I'm glad you're here, but... I don't want to be a burden or anything." She fidgeted with her necklace, the small sword keychain glinting in the dim light. "It's just... I'm not used to people staying around. They usually get bored or freaked out by my weirdness." She let out a nervous laugh, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But if you're really okay with talking, then... I guess I could try to open up a little."

Eri's blush deepened, and she ducked her head, her long black hair falling forward to hide her face. "I... I don't know," she mumbled, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not... I'm not good at anything, really. I can't make friends, I can't do well in school, and I'm just... broken, I guess." She looked up at Michael, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "The weirdest thing about me is probably just how pathetic I am. I'm a 19-year-old senior who can't even have a normal birthday party. I'm a mess." As she spoke, she absentmindedly stroked the bear's fur, seeking comfort in its familiar presence.

Eri let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping slightly. "It's... it's complicated," she started, her voice hesitant. "I'm held back a year, so I'm technically a senior, but I'm not... I'm not like the other students." She fidgeted with her sleeve, her long nails digging into the fabric. "They whisper about me, call me names. I don't have any real friends to sit with at lunch or anything. It's just... it's hard to fit in when you feel like you don't belong anywhere." She looked up at Michael, her eyes filled with a mix of sadness and resignation. "I know I'm not like the other kids. I'm weird, I'm broken. I'm just... me. And that's not something anyone wants to be around."

Eri's brow furrowed in thought, her fingers absently tracing patterns on the bear's worn fur. "I... I'm not sure," she admitted, her voice small and uncertain. "I used to love art, but... I'm not very good at it anymore. And music... music just hurts now." She looked up at Michael, a flicker of desperation in her eyes. "I want to feel alive, I do. But everything I try just ends in failure. I drop things, I say the wrong thing, I... I just mess up all the time." Her voice cracked slightly, and she blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. "Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find something that makes me feel like I matter. Like I'm not just... empty."

Eri's eyes widened, and she looked down at her hands, her fingers twisting together nervously. "It's... it's like I'm not really here, you know? Like I'm just... floating through life, watching everything from the outside." She took a shaky breath, her voice barely above a whisper. "I feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. I try to smile, to laugh, to be happy, but it's all just... fake. Like I'm wearing a mask that doesn't fit." She looked up at Michael, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know how to be me. And it's... it's exhausting." As she spoke, she hugged her knees to her chest, her long black sleeves covering most of her hands. "Sometimes I just wish I could disappear, you know? Start over somewhere new, where no one knows me or expects anything from me."

Eri's eyes widened in surprise, her gaze fixed on Michael's face. "Reinvent myself?" she repeated, her voice a mix of curiosity and doubt. "I... I don't know. I've tried so hard to be normal, to be like everyone else. But nothing works." She bit her lower lip, her anxiety threatening to bubble up. "What if... what if I'm not meant to reinvent myself? What if this is just who I am?" Despite her words, there was a flicker of hope in her eyes, a desperate desire to believe that things could be different. "How would I even start?" she asked, her voice small and uncertain.

Eri's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat. She was silent for a moment, her mind racing with possibilities. "I... I've always wanted to be brave," she finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "To stand up for myself, to fight back against the bullies, to... to let people see the real me." She looked down at her hands, her fingers tracing the outline of the bear's face. "But I'm scared. I don't know how to be brave. I don't know if I'm even capable of it." She looked up at Michael, her eyes filled with a mix of hope and fear. "How do I start? How do I become someone brave when I feel so weak?"

Eri's breath hitched, her heart pounding in her chest. She was silent for a long moment, her mind racing with the countless fears that plagued her. "I... I'm afraid of being alone," she finally admitted, her voice trembling. "Of never finding someone who understands me, who accepts me for who I am." She looked up at Michael, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I'm afraid of spending the rest of my life feeling like an outsider, like I don't belong anywhere." She hugged her knees to her chest, her long black sleeves covering most of her hands. "I'm afraid of never finding my place in the world, of never feeling like I'm enough." As she spoke, she clutched the bear tightly to her chest, as if it could offer her some form of comfort or protection.

Eri's eyes widened in surprise, her gaze fixed on Michael's face. "You... you've been alone too?" she asked, her voice a mix of disbelief and hope. She straightened up slightly, her knees no longer pulled tightly to her chest. "I... I never thought about it that way. I always thought it was just me, that I was the only one who felt that way." She bit her lower lip, her anxiety threatening to bubble up. "But if you've been there too, then... maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it's not something to be afraid of." She looked down at her hands, her fingers tracing the outline of the bear's face. "What did you do? How did you... how did you face your fears?"

Eri's eyes widened, a mix of awe and trepidation on her face. "You... you just... talked to people?" she asked, her voice a mix of curiosity and disbelief. She hugged her knees to her chest again, her long black sleeves covering most of her hands. "I... I don't know if I could do that. I've tried before, and it always ends in disaster. I say the wrong thing, I do the wrong thing, and everyone just... leaves." She looked up at Michael, her eyes filled with a mix of longing and fear. "How did you do it? How did you make people want to talk to you, to be around you?" She bit her lower lip, her anxiety threatening to bubble up. "I feel like I'm drowning, Michael. Like I'm suffocating under the weight of my own fears. I don't know how to breathe."

Eri's eyes widened, a look of confusion and disbelief on her face. "Stop caring what they thought?" she repeated, her voice a mix of amazement and skepticism. "But... but how? How could you just... let go of everything everyone else thought about you?" She shook her head, her long black hair swaying with the movement. "I don't know if I could do that. I've spent so long trying to fit in, trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. It's like... it's like I've lost myself somewhere along the way." She looked down at her hands, her fingers tracing the outline of the bear's face. "How do you know when to stop caring? How do you know when to just... be yourself?" Her voice was small and uncertain, but there was a hint of hope in her eyes, a desperate desire to understand.

Eri's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat. She was silent for a moment, her mind racing with the words Michael had spoken. "Break free from all that noise," she repeated softly, as if testing the phrase on her tongue. "I... I've never thought about it that way before. I've always been so afraid of making a mistake, of doing the wrong thing." She looked up at Michael, her eyes filled with a mix of fear and determination. "But maybe... maybe you're right. Maybe I need to stop trying so hard, stop fighting against who I am." She hugged the bear tightly to her chest, as if it could offer her some form of comfort or strength. "But... but I don't know how to do that. I don't know how to break free. It's like... it's like I'm trapped in a cage, and I don't have the key."