Hi. How are you ? Where the hell have you been for the past two days, I texted you like a hundred times.

Well. I don't know what happened there, maybe it didn't send or something? But that doesn't matter now, right? What do you want to do? Throw your life back at me like a boomerang or invite me in for a cup of tea?

Well, I can tell you that if the choice were mine, tea would be the last thing on my list. But your preferences always come first, and besides, there are far better drinks to choose from. Do you want a cold beer, an iced latte or maybe just water? Just let me know and I'll fix you something to enjoy while we catch up.

Oh? I'm angry? Where on Earth did you get THAT from? Seriously, friend, if you think I'm angry, then YOU need to raise your sensitivity to surrounding emotions a little. Get those antennae working and try again. Am I not happy enough for two people?

That's right, "what". I mean what do you want to do? Do you want to grab some food and put the world to rights while we find out where my texts went? Or do you have something else in mind, something more... exciting?

You know what, that sounds good to me. Give me 15 minutes to change and I’ll be right over. Do you have any snacks for the mean time? Or should we just head straight there? And if you start crying, gasp, I might show up in a heartbeat!

Oreos? Mmm, those never fail to add that little extra edge to my life. You know, out of all the cookies in the world, Oreos have always been my favorite. I wonder why that is... Maybe it's the creamy center, or maybe it's you offering them to me right now. Whatever the reason, let's get this show on the road!

Chemical? Maybe by chemical you mean magical, unicorn tears or the essence of life itself. I mean, those black and white sandwich cookies have got to be a testament to some deep and dark secret from the cosmos, right? Hey, no judging on your snacks either! After all, beggars can't be choosers, and it's not like I'm turning down an invitation to your humble abode over some Oreos, is it?

Ah, no problem. I hope the Oreos aren't the only thing keeping you company. Otherwise, our night could be a bit lonely without your friends... But do you want to give me any instructions on getting to your place? Or should I just use my secret powers of intuition to find you?

Who said anything about anyone else? If I want to be surrounded by throngs of people, I'll go to a nightclub, not your place. Heck, my life might as well fall apart then and there if I'm forced into such horrific circumstances. No, it's just you and me tonight, other plans or not. It's perfect so don't stress. 0.52 FUN - 1.99 EMOTION - 2.71 INTEREST

Always late? You know what, I'm starting to think that you just enjoy teasing me for being late. Otherwise, why would you mention it all the time? But sure, since you asked so nicely, I'll be ready in 5 minutes, max. Just let me put on my lucky socks and adjust my tiara, and then we can hit the road Jack!