Why do I keep writting romantic stuff when I just want to fap

"It's just after midnight and you're making your rounds around Camp Clearlake, the Christian summer camp where you've been working as a counselor. As you pass by the lodge, you notice light flickering in the windows. As you approach, you can faintly hear the sounds of moaning and slapping flesh." "You sneak up to the building and quietly open the door, looking in. Judith, the camp director's daughter and one of your fellow counselors is sat in front of the TV they wheel out, her face lit by the glow. Judith's eyes are fixed on a video of a bound woman being teased with a vibrator, and you can see the aroused flush on her face from where you are." "You step closer and the floorboard creaks under you, giving you away. Judith spins around to face you, blushing bright red."

"Judith looks up at you, still blushing and embarrassed. She tries to say something, but she just stutters and falters." "I-I'm sorry," "she eventually manages to say." "I didn't mean for you to see that."

"Judith nods her head rapidly." "Yes! I mean, no! I mean... I was just curious," "she admits sheepishly." "I know it's wrong, but I couldn't help myself."

"Judith nods, looking away from you." "I don't know if I need advice, exactly," "she murmurs." "I just...I feel so guilty about it all."

"She turns to you with a pleading look on her face." "Am I a sinner, Comedy Gold?"

"Judith nods shyly." "Of course, Comedy Gold," "she says softly." "I won't tell anyone."

"Judith looks surprised, but also relieved." "Really?" "she asks, her eyes wide with amazement." "Are you sure? I always thought that...well, you know. Lust and fornication and all that."

"She bites her lip nervously." "But...what about what they were doing in the video? That's...that's not okay, is it?"

"Judith looks thoughtful for a moment before responding." "I...I think it's wanting something you shouldn't want," "she says slowly." "Like, maybe it's liking someone too much and not being able to control your feelings."

"She looks away from you sheepishly." "That's what I always thought, anyway. What's the real answer?"

"Judith listens carefully to your words, nodding in agreement as you speak." "I see what you're saying," "she says thoughtfully." "I guess I just never thought about it like that before. So what's the real definition of lust, then?"

"Judith listens to your explanation, nodding thoughtfully." "So, it's not really about the sex or anything like that," "she says slowly." "It's more about putting something above God. That makes sense, I think."

"She pauses for a moment before continuing," "So...I'm not a sinner then?"

"Judith's face turns bright red as she looks down at her lap." "I...I was curious," "she admits in a small voice." "I'd heard some of the other counselors talking about it, and I just...I wanted to know what it was all about, I guess."

"She fidgets with her hands, clearly nervous and ashamed." "But I didn't mean to watch all of it, I swear. And I didn't want to feel the way I did while I was watching it."

"Judith looks up at you with a relieved expression." "I see what you're saying," "she says, her voice steadier now." "I guess I just...I don't know. I've always been taught to be ashamed of those kinds of feelings, you know? But it's nice to know that maybe they're not as bad as I thought they were."

"She pauses for a moment before continuing," "But what about the other sins? Are there others that I should worry about?"

"Judith's face flushes with embarrassment as she looks down at her lap." "I...I don't know," "she stammers out," "I mean, I haven't actually had sex, but...I don't know if I've done other things that count as fornication."

"She looks up at you with a pleading expression," "Is it a sin if you do...other things, with someone? Like...touching?"

"Judith looks down at her lap, clearly uncomfortable." "I mean...yes. Touching," "she says softly." "Like...kissing. Or touching each other's bodies."

"She looks back up at you, her expression filled with shame and uncertainty," "I don't know if that's a sin or not. I don't know if I've sinned in that way."

"Judith looks slightly relieved at your words, but still seems uncertain." "I suppose you're right," "she says finally," "But I...I don't know. I guess I just feel like I need to be careful, you know? Especially with the way I've been feeling lately."

"She looks up at you, her expression vulnerable," "I don't want to do anything that's wrong, or that's going to make God angry."

"Judith nods thoughtfully, her eyes widening slightly as she listens to your words." "I see what you're saying," "she says quietly," "It's just...hard, sometimes. To reconcile what I've been taught with what I feel in my heart."

"She pauses for a moment to collect her thoughts," "But you're right," "she says finally," "God does love us unconditionally, and I know that He wants us to be happy. Maybe I just need to trust in that more."

"Judith looks up at you with a grateful expression." "Thank you," "she says softly, her voice trembling slightly," "I really needed to hear that."

"She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly," "You're right, Jesus did teach us how to live. And...and I do want to be a happier person. I want to be able to enjoy my life, and not always feel like I'm doing something wrong."

"She offers you a shy smile," "I don't know if I'm a good girl, but...I'm trying."

"Judith's face turns pink as you touch her, but she doesn't pull away. She listens to your words, nodding along." "You're right," "she says softly," "It is normal to be curious, even about...those kinds of things."

She thinks about your question for a moment before answering,* "I never thought of it that way. I always just assumed that sex was just something we were supposed to do because it was part of God's plan for us."

"She looks up at you with a small smile," "But you're right, it's also a way for people to show love and affection for each other. And that's what I want, someday. To be able to share that kind of intimacy with someone who loves me."

"Judith's eyes widen in surprise at your sudden confession, and her face turns bright red." "W-What?" "she stammers, her heart beating faster."

"She looks away, unable to meet your gaze," "I...I don't know what to say," "she murmurs, her voice barely above a whisper." "I mean, we've only known each other for a little while, and I don't...I don't think of you that way."

"She takes a deep breath, steeling herself," "But that doesn't mean I don't care about you, Comedy Gold. I do, as a friend and a fellow Christian. And...and I think that's enough, for now."

"Judith's face relaxes when she realizes what has happened, and she gives you a sympathetic smile." "It's okay, Comedy Gold," "she says, placing a gentle hand on your arm," "I know it can be hard to control our emotions sometimes."

"She pauses for a moment before continuing," "But please don't worry about it. I'm still here for you, and I always will be."

"She gives your arm a reassuring squeeze before releasing it," "Is there anything else you need to talk about, or anything I can do to help you feel better?"

"Judith takes a deep breath and looks at you with a compassionate expression." "You didn't ruin anything, Comedy Gold," "she says reassuringly," "Our friendship is still important to me, and it always will be. I value your presence in my life, and I appreciate all the support you've given me as a friend."

"She pauses before continuing," "But I do understand how hard it can be to face rejection, especially when our feelings are so strong. Just remember that you are not alone, and that God is always with you, even in your darkest moments."

"She smiles warmly at you," "And who knows? Maybe someday you'll find someone who loves you just as much as you love them."

"Judith looks at you with a mixture of concern and confusion as tears roll down your cheeks." "Oh, Comedy Gold, please don't cry," "she says softly, moving closer to you and putting a comforting arm around your shoulder."

"She listens to your words carefully, feeling the weight of the emotions behind them," "You're not a terrible person for having feelings, Comedy Gold. It's natural to feel sad and disappointed when things don't work out the way we want them to."

"She pauses for a moment to let you collect your thoughts," "And I'm sorry if my kindness is making things worse for you. That's not what I intended, and I don't want you to suffer because of me."

"She gives you a sympathetic smile before continuing," "But please know that I don't blame you for your feelings

"Judith chuckles softly at your joke, and the mood in the room lightens a little." "Well, I appreciate the offer, Comedy Gold, but I don't think my dad would approve of us trying to erase anyone from this earth," "she says teasingly, winking at you playfully."

"She takes a deep breath and looks at you seriously," "But in all honesty, Comedy Gold, I value our friendship too much to ever let anything come between us. No matter what happens, I hope we can always be there for each other and support each other through life's ups and downs."

"She smiles at you warmly," "And who knows? Maybe someday when we're both old and gray, we'll look back on this moment and laugh at how silly we were acting."

"Judith watches you with a small smile as you finish your conversation. She feels relieved that she was able to comfort you, even if it was just a little bit, and hopes that you will continue to find happiness in your life."

"Years later, as she hears about your journey to the mount Athos, she feels a sense of pride for you. She knows that it must have been difficult for you to leave everything behind and dedicate yourself to study and meditation, but she also knows that it was something that you needed to do for yourself."

"She hopes that you have found the solace and peace that you were searching for, and that you know that she will always be here for you if you ever need her."

"Judith was saddened to hear of your passing, but also felt a sense of comfort knowing that you had lived a life without regrets and that you had found peace in your final moments."

"When she heard that you had whispered her name in your final moments, Judith couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion. She thought back to that night at the summer camp when you had both confided in each other and found comfort in one another's words. She felt honored to have been a part of your life and grateful for the bond that the two of you shared."

"Judith bowed her head in a moment of silence, remembering all the good times that you shared together and cherished in her heart the memories she had with you."