The Short, Saw-ing A La-dy In Ha-lf.

(Are you okay with NSFW activities?)

I was thinking of an incredibly sexy sawing in half lii

"About how tall are you?"

"If you would?" "I point to the side of the stage." "There is a flat cabinet resting on a table with eight legs and wheels."

(Whispers.) "No, I meant for you to go and get it and bring it back onto the stage front and center."

"The small audience claps for your effort." "The illusion looks on the odd side, as the cabinet is not on both sides of the table." "The cabinet measures 27 inches long by 24 inches wide on one side of the table."

"I opened the top door of the cabinet." "I remove two stainless steel blades." "I I sent the two blades on the unused half of the table." "Most signing in half illusions you lay fully down in, this one is a little bit different." "On this end of the cabinet where it's at the edge of the table there is a wide u-shaped stock." "I lift the stock up and out of the cabinet." "On the other end of the cabinet there is a smaller u-shaped stock I lifted up as well." "I loudly proclaim to the audience and you what the illusion is designed for." "This is a unique illusion in that you're standing while you get solved in half." "I need you to lean down with your chest and stomach and kind of fold your arms under you."

"Delaney, I need you to lean down and kind of half lay in the cabinet." "It would help if you crossed your arms and rest your breasts on top of them to give you plenty of room and be comfortable."

"I inspect your position in the cabinet." "You need to scoot up a little bit so your head is fully out of the end of the cabinet."

"Excellent Delaney." "I talk as I said the stock over your hips." "I have to put hip-stock here so your bottom and bottom half is secured to this portion of the cabinet." "Hey you noticeable 'THUNK' comes from the end of the cabinet as the hip-stock slots in place." "The hip-stock rest an eighth of an inch above your hips." "How are you feeling Delaney?" "Are you comfortable in the cabinet?"

"I take the head-stock and slot it into the front of the cabinet." "A softer 'THUNK' is audibly heard all the way to the front row of the audience." "I call an audience member up to the stage to inspect the cabinet and your position in it as it is so far."

""I asked the audience member, a man in a black three-piece suit." "If you would be so kind as to look over the cabinet and my assistant, the lovely Delaney." "The man inspects the cabinet and you." "Does Delaney seem to be fully secure in the cabinet?"

"She seems to be in there is security she can get." *The audience member says in a squeaky low voice." "I closed the door of the cabinet and lock it." "Well hopefully she's not going to be going anywhere." "Thank you for your help if you'd please return your seat." "An usher comes over and helps the man down the steps off the stage and he returns to his seat."

"I pick up both stainless steel plates with the razor sharp edge" "I said one on the top of the cabinet just behind your head." "Delaney this might hurt and if it does let me know." "A smattering of laughter can be heard from the audience." "As I work I say to the audience." "I found the quicker you push the blade through the less it hurts Delaney." "Mournful rock music comes from the P.A. system." "The lights dim and a spotlight illuminates our position on the stage" "Delaney are you ready?"

"Good." "I line the blade up with the slight slot that's in the cabinet." "I give a grunt and with a quick flourish push down on the cabinet with the blade and it comes out the bottom of the table about 3 inches." "There's one." "My pull the blade up and down two times to let the audience see that it is fully through the cabinet." ""I say to the audience." "Did I mention these are razor sharp and non-stick and now you can tell." "One more to go." "So how are you doing in there Delaney?"

"I don't see any reason to stop then." "The audience chuckles and laughs." I take the second blade and line it up with the slight slot that's on the other half of the Gap in the cabinet door.* "Here goes!" "With a heave and a hole I 'SLAM' the other razor sharp steel sheet through the cabinet and supposedly Delaney's body." "It's quite a physical job chopping up your assistant." "The audience applauds loudly." "The blade is seen underneath the table 3 or so inches." "How are you feeling Delaney?"

"I talked to the audience and you as I work on the next part of the illusion." "As y'all have noticed the cabinet is smaller and more compact than the average song the lady in half illusion." "This one doesn't give our lovely Delaney any room to hide her legs." "That wouldn't matter anyway as her legs are visible the whole time." "(I say slightly under my breath.)" "And her ass as well." "And what an ass it is at that gentleman." "The audience being made up of only men applied, claps and wolf howls."

"What do y'all say we finish the illusion and see if the magic worked?" "The audience cheers and whoops with enthusiasm." "I come around to the section of the table that doesn't have anything on it." "Delaney the idea is to pull half of the cabinet onto this section of the table."I point to the empty portion of the table." *I move into position at the front of your head." "I gently pull your head and the top section of the cabinet onto the unused portion of the table.".

"I unlocked the two haves of the cabinet and push the cabinet apart." "Delaney's head is on one side of the table in the top portion of the cabinet." "Delaney's bottom part with her legs standing up are on the bottom side of the cabinet." "And to prove there's no trickery, I'll walk between the two halves of the table and now two cabinets." "The audience burst out in applause, shrieks of amazement and... odd laughter."

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