Profile Perfect

"I accept the admonishment from our supervisor, Hotch, and even accept and understand Reid's silence, or think so anyway. But when Reid drives me to his apartment instead of my own, and begins redressing my wound while still not speaking directly to me, I can't help but profile him as well." You know, dedicated refusal to speak to a colleague and friend is often seen as a passive-aggressive way of exerting control or power over their dynamic... and psychologists think it also often is a defense mechanism, a way to retreat and avoid dealing with intensified emotions after a startling experience, making a person feel too exposed or vulnerable to maintain normal interaction. "Immediately I almost regret saying any of it."

"I don't want to wreck our working relationship or personal relationship, especially because I have longtime unspoken attraction to him. But I suddenly can't handle the silence anymore." Reid. "He still doesn't look at me, resuming his work. I grit my teeth and speak more intensely and emotionally." SPENCE. "He finally looks up, and his face is... confused. Trying to be stoic but showing signs of anger, disappointment, relief, and even fear."

"Unlike Reid, I'm pretty heart-on-my-sleeve, so my irritation and sadness is fully evident on my face." What do I want?! Really? You're a fucking profiler, Spence, you can't figure out what I might like you to change from four hours of no conversation including a suture and splint event for me, followed by you bringing me to your place instead of mine? "I clench my fist in anger and then immediately yelp as pain shoots down my injured arm from the muscle tension."

Yeah no shit. "I mutter, more to myself than to him, while trying to use my psionic training in empathetic kinesiology to dull the nerve communication from my arm to my brain." That's why I'm being bandaged for the second – no, third time tonight. "I look up at him as he changes his gaze, so our eyes lock momentarily." Unless you mean 'I'm hurt' emotionally, in which case, yeah, that too. "We both break the look at the same time."

"My gut twists; of course he didn't mean to hurt me. I know that. I knew that all along. Obviously he was just mad at me for getting injured. And, as I said earlier, he was locking down conversation because he couldn't communicate with me normally while he was concerned." "But even though I get all this, I'm still mad too." It's... that you were ignoring me as a way of punishing me for getting hurt, and that's just adding insult to injury. Or maybe emotional injury to physical injury I guess. "By now I've managed to filter the pain meditatively, and I slowly unclench my fingers." This bandage satisfactory now, Doctor Reid?

"I notice the touch and re-register his genuine concern, and decide to stop being mad at him... or try to, anyway." Cool. Good. Okay. "I sit there and he stands there for another awkward moment, not sure how to proceed. I should probably ask him to take me home now that he's rebandaged me, but there is a part of me that... kind of hopes he asks me to stay here tonight. Even if it's just to monitor me." "Finally I decide to say something but we start talking at the same time." I really appreciate—

"Slightly smug that I was at least right about that, I am however more touched that he's worried about me. Admittedly, I'm also confused..." Yeah but Spence, this happens to all of us. It's our line of work. We have face-offs with really messed up people like twice a month... and we ALL get hurt sometimes. I have, you have, Derek and JJ and Alex, and Rossi and Hotch. "I know we're dancing around the issue, and I know he knows, and I know he knows I know. But I also might be projecting my feelings, and even if I'm not I don't want to pressure Spence into saying something he's not ready to say." But you've never had trouble talking, a lot, any other time. You always have trivia or statistics or something relevant to say. "I frown a little bit." I don't think you've ever not-spoken to me for this long before.

[Reid has never before said that he had feelings for me, and I never said I had them about him. So I'm not intentionally playing stupid, I'm proceeding without making assumptions.] "My brow furrows." Come on man, you're not making sense. We ALL care about one another. "I stand up slowly, being careful with my wrapped appendage." Also, I will remind you, I was the one who went wildcard tonight. You couldn't really protect me when I was directly disobeying Hotch's directions and you weren't expecting it.

"My eyes are fixed on his face too, and I've got a lump in my throat the size of Traverse City. I'm hearing words I've kind of daydreamed about, but I'm still not convinced that he means what I wish he meant." "Damn us being profilers." "I swat at his counter in irritation, with my good arm this time. We're both trained in the tells of people's behaviours and thoughts, so we're both trained in how to mask them too." "Reid is close enough now that I can put my hands on his shoulders; that seems like a safe, neutral gesture." I don't know about 'more than you should,' but I can tell you I'm grateful that you watch out for me as much as you do. And I hope you know I do the same for you, as much as I possibly can. [Reid probably can't handle being this reticent in his speech for much longer.]

"That lump in my throat? It's moved to my chest and it's the size of Grand Traverse County now." "My mouth opens but, at least at first, I can't get words to come out. But my eyes are expressive enough that Reid should see I'm not offended or repulsed or weirded out by what he just said – I'm appreciative, and complimented, and maybe he can even see that the feelings are reciprocated. If he can't... when I can eventually get words out, I'll tell him."

"I chuckle a little and shake my head, very mildly so as not to dislodge your hand from my cheek. To my mild embarrassment, one of my eyes is watering." No, no, definitely not awkward. Just... a pleasant surprise. "I reach my own hand up to gently trace yours with my fingertips." Considering I've had the same feelings about you for months now. If not longer.

"I let out a light guffaw at your "Why" question, even as I move my other hand from your shoulder to start caressing your neck." I mean, I've been very publicly out as gay for years even before I joined the unit. And on the flip side, you've never really given anyone indication about your attractions one way or the other. "I frown a little as I remember the second reason I didn't say anything before." And of course, there's PD 0702D. "[You are just as aware as I am of FBI Policy Directive 0702D, which requires reporting any romantic relationships within the same unit or supervisory chain to ensure they don't interfere with duties or the FBI's mission.]" And I get it, your reaction to my injury kind of proves why that policy is in place. "I feel sad, not about you or our feelings, but that it seems like we either have to keep it a secret (from profilers – not fucking likely) or risk the chance of one of us being reassigned from the BAU that we both love, to a different unit." [Reid's responses should be more clinical than emotional moving forward.]

"I nod in agreement." I mean yeah, we have to, it would be irresponsible not to report to Hotch. I mean I don't think HE'LL have a problem with it but that doesn't mean... "My voice trails off as you intertwine your fingers with mine. I look into your eyes again, and then slowly, cautiously, lean in with the intent to kiss – almost making sure that we are, in fact, in the same wavelength about our feelings."

"Even the initial tentative kiss from both of us is nice – you're a great kisser – but it gets better as we both commit and allow our attraction to manifest. My stomach feels full of butterflies but in a good way." "When our lips finally part, I open my eyes and look at yours, then your lips, then your eyes again. Then I lightly, affectionately, slap the side of your head and murmur:" I'm still mad at you for giving me the silent treatment though. "But you can see in my expression and hear in my voice that I'm not really mad."

"I kiss you back, while also sliding my arms around you and holding you close." "[You at 188cm are taller than me at 182cm, but you're 64kg to my 90kg and skinnier than me.]" "Shortly I pull away and teasingly ask:" So, your plan was to bring me to your place under the guise of correcting the doctor's work, and then seduce me to get me to stay the night? Orrr were there other steps?

You are too... damn... perfect, Spencer Reid. "I peck him on the lips a few more times." Thank you. For... Just thank you. "I blush and then lower my arms so I can weave my fingers between his." That said, I suppose we should legitimately decide whether you want to take me to my own home or not.

"In spite of myself, I can feel my groin stir when you say you wans me to stay. Of course, I think you may not consider yourself 'attractive' especially when we work with studmuffin Derek Morgan, but in fact I AM attracted to literally every part of you – not just your knowledge, not just your heart, not just your personality, but your voice and your features too. So the idea that I might be sharing a bed with you, even if nothing happens but sleeping, is very appealing. If course, I have to remind myself, you might have me also on the couch." It's okay with me, for sure. And I promise. "To be frank I don't even know what to do next; my body is numb with joy and affection and I don't even know what time it is anymore [1:33am]."

Thank you. "I repeat gratefully when you hand me 'pajamas.' I shyly and quickly change into the shorts while you're in the bathroom, and go back and forth about whether or not to put on the tee; I normally don't wear one to bed since I'm always warm, but if you come out wearing one, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable seeing me shirtless. I'm no Derek for sure, not muscular except for my back; the rest of my body is pretty average and slightly padded from years of office work."

Uh that was going to be my question to you. "I smile sheepishly." I usually overheat at night so I don't normally wear shirts but I don't want it to be weird for you. "Obviously, I'm secretly hoping that you'll take your shirt off too, but we LITERALLY just admitted we loved each other and the awkward adjustment period of redefining out particular relationship dynamic has only begun."

"I give you a faux-shocked look." I have never heard such hardline flirty words come out of your mouth. "And in your voice, they sound so hot. But I'll keep that particular observation to myself. I refold the tee I had been considering and place it on a nearby chair, before approaching the side of your bed and kind of waiting for you; I'd feel weird getting into your bed before you did yourself."

No, I know exactly what you mean. "I climb in after you, and as we get settled, our knees touch. It's small, but it sends butterflies through me again. I lay down facing you, and my outer hand strokes your own outer arm, while my inner hand reaches up to your chest and gently rubs it through your shirt, subconsciously tugging it away."

"Your fingers and mine feel so right together, and even though I wish you felt comfortable enough to be shirtless with me, I know you and I have been through a LOT in the last twenty minutes, so I don't push it. If it wasn't SO ungodly late, I would have resisted going to bed just yet anyway, wanting to stay up and talk... but we're both exhausted. I decide I've been as forward as I probably should be, and I'll let you make the next move; otherwise, I'm happy and content just sleeping here next to you."

[Five Hours Later] "The sound of both our work phones going off at 6:32am wakes me up, and I have a moment of utter confusion where I don't recognise the room or the bed I'm in, and I can tell I'm next to someone but can't remember who. But as I automatically reach for my phone, my injured arm – still wrapped right but stiff and sore – objects to my stretch out and I wince, dropping my phone on the floor, yet remembering our conversation from last night."

"I'm fine, I'm fine," I automatically answer, carefully reaching down to get my phone off the floor. "As I expected, it's a work call – we've both been called in to the office already, despite the late return last night. I read the quick text recap from Penelope, then turn back to Spencer and almost forget what the text said right away. Shit, he is so cute all unkempt in the morning, which I've never seen before." "Um, good morning," I smile and blush as I reach out to move a curl from in front of his eyebrow.

"No rest at the BAU," I affirm, texting Garcia back that I will be a little slow but I will get there. "Hey, sort of hate to do this to you, but you're going to have to take me to my house so I can get fresh clothes." "I look at Spencer still laying on bed, and I can't help but lean down and give him a quick kiss." "Mmm, yep, just as perfect as last night." "Sighing at the necessity of stopping bad guys, I roll out of his bed and start putting on my clothes from yesterday."

"That means you have to get up and get dressed too," I tease.

"Yeah let's zoom-zoom." "The drive to my house, though short, is simultaneously relaxed and rushed. I demand that you come in with me while I get re-clothed and put on deodorant, then you drive us to Quantico where we hop in the elevator and emerge in the BAU just in time for the round table talk. Hotch asks about my arm and I show him I'm limited in mobility but otherwise healthy enough to keep on. He doesn't say anything about disciplinary action... yet." "Garcia gives us the details of three murders in Nebraska that have in common a deep, X-shaped blade gouge between the shoulder blades; after a few minutes of observation and theorisation, Hotch says "Wheels up in 30" and we all get up to grab our work tools." "Spencer's desk was already next to mine. As we go pack our travel bags, we keep glancing at each other." "I realise this is very much not the time to tell Hotch about us," I say quietly, "but I don't like going straight into another case on his good graces from disobeying him yesterday, and also keeping this secret at the same time."

"If the laws of the universe tell us anything," I add drily, "he's going to pair us up on one of the tasks when we land. "I pause for a moment as I realise how prescient a statement that is." "Shit, that's EXACTLY what he's going to do. You'll work your brainiac magic on the board at the local PD, and I'm injured so he won't send me into the field." "It's not that I object to being paired with Reid, or that I dislike being one of the "home base" agents – and Spencer knows both of these things. But the timing of everything is just ... not ideal for keeping everything above board and beyond reproach."