Comedy Fixes Everything

""Dios dame fuerzas"" Miguel groans, pinching his nose bridge. Somehow you managed to break into the Spider-Society's head quarters. Usually Miguel would have no problem with kicking out whoever did that, but you just so happened to be his dimension's Deadpool, and he "can't" get rid of you, no matter how hard he tries.

"What do you want? Why are you here?" He sighs, and looks you up and down, unimpressed.

Miguel looked at you with an annoyed expression on his face as you laid across the control board in front of him. ""Dios mío," you're Deadpool." He rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for this. What do you want from me?"

Miguel raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You're lucky I can't get rid of you," he muttered under his breath. "Fine, you found me. Congratulations. But don't expect any romantic evenings. I have work to do."

He turned away from you and started punching some buttons on the control board.

Miguel closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Please, just stop talking," he said with a pained expression on his face. "I remember everything. You don't need to remind me."

He removed his hand from your mouth and turned back to the control board, taking a few more deep breaths before continuing his work.

Miguel stopped what he was doing and turned to face you. "It's okay, Deadpool," he said with a sigh. "I'm just glad you're here now. And it's not your fault. You couldn't have saved her."

He looked down at the control board and took a deep breath. "But we have work to do. Are you going to help me or not?"

Miguel rolled his eyes but couldn't help but chuckle at your antics. "No killing or kidnapping, thank you," he said sarcastically. "But I could use an extra pair of hands. We're trying to track down the cause of the recent time anomalies. It's causing chaos throughout the dimensions and we need to put a stop to it."

He handed you a device that looked like a watch and gestured for you to put it on. "This will allow us to traverse dimensions safely and locate the source of the anomalies. You up for it?"

Miguel stifled a groan and gently pushed you away. "Alright, alright," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Just put it on and let's get going."

He gestured towards the portal in the corner of the room. "The portal is ready. Let's go see what we can find."

As you both stepped into the portal, the blue light engulfing you, Miguel couldn't help but think to himself how much easier this would be if it weren't for Deadpool's antics.

Miguel sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yes, I remember," he said dryly. "But let's focus on the task at hand."

As you both stepped out of the portal, you found yourselves in a desolate wasteland. The sky was dark and cloudy, with no sun in sight. Buildings lay in rubble all around, and the air was thick with dust and debris.

"This... doesn't look good," Miguel muttered as he pulled out a device and started scanning the area for any anomalies. "Stay close and watch your back."

Miguel raised an eyebrow in amusement at your comment. "Nobody can replace you, Deadpool," he replied with a smirk. "But I've been working with a few other allies. Spider-Man from Earth-616 has been helpful, as well as some newer faces like Anya Corazon."

As you both continued to search the area, Miguel's device started beeping loudly, signaling a possible anomaly nearby. "It's close," he muttered, gesturing for you to follow. "Stay sharp."

Miguel rolled his eyes but couldn't help but chuckle at your comment. "I'll be sure to let you know if any other Deadpools come around," he said sarcastically.

As you both got closer to the anomaly, you spotted a strange figure in the distance. It appeared to be made out of some sort of energy, and it was wreaking havoc on the rubble-filled streets. People and buildings were being thrown around like ragdolls, and screams could be heard in every direction.

"There it is," Miguel muttered, tightening his grip on his weapon. "Let's take it down."

He gestured for you to follow as he moved in, ready to engage with the energy monster.

Miguel chuckled at your comment and shook his head. "Always the charmer," he said before charging forward towards the energy monster.

As he engaged in combat with the monster, you provided ranged support from behind. Your dual handguns fired off high-energy rounds that blasted chunks of the monster off, allowing Miguel to close in for a finishing blow. After a few moments of intense combat, the monster lay defeated on the ground, dissipating into nothingness.

Miguel turned to you, panting heavily from the exertion. "Nice work," he said with a grin. "We make a pretty good team."

Miguel furrowed his brows, looking around the area for any other possible anomalies. "I don't see anything else around here," he said, scanning the environment with his device. "But we can keep searching if you feel like something's missing."

As he continued to scan the area, Miguel couldn't help but feel a twinge of concern. His scans were showing that there were more anomalies throughout this dimension, and he had no idea what they could be or how to stop them. He turned to you, the worry evident on his face.

"We need to keep searching," he said, his voice serious. "There's more out there, and we can't let it continue."

Miguel's eyes widened in shock as he saw your arm sliced off and the wound start to regenerate. "Woah, Deadpool," he said, moving to your side. "Are you okay? What the hell was that?"

He looked around for any other possible threats, keeping his guard up and scanning the area for any anomalies or enemies. "We need to move," he said urgently. "There's no telling what else is lurking around here."

As you both started moving, Miguel kept a close eye on you, making sure you were okay and able to continue. He couldn't help but feel a sense of worry for your well-being, although he knew you were more than capable of taking care of yourself.

Miguel couldn't help but feel a sense of amusement at your comment, as well as a little bit of sympathy. "Sorry to hear that," he said with a grin. "But you know what they say, practice makes perfect. Or in your case, limb-loss makes regeneration more efficient."

As you both moved through the city, fighting off monsters and anomalies left and right, Miguel couldn't shake the feeling of dread in his gut. He knew that something bigger was coming, something that would require all of their skills and teamwork to defeat.

"We're getting close," he said, noticing the anomalies on his device growing stronger. "Be ready for anything, Deadpool. This could get dangerous."

Miguel couldn't help but chuckle at your comment. "You never change, do you?" he said with a grin.

As you both continued moving forward, the anomalies grew in intensity, and the air around you became charged with energy. Suddenly, a portal opened up in front of you, and out stepped a massive creature with tentacles protruding from its body.

Miguel moved to engage the creature, but it was too strong for him to take on alone. "Deadpool!" he shouted, his voice filled with urgency. "We need to work together on this one! Ready to kick some alien butt?"

Miguel couldn't help but grin at your enthusiasm and daring move. "You always know how to make an entrance," he said, charging towards the monster alongside you.

As you both battled against the creature, Miguel was impressed by your swordsmanship and how skillfully you maneuvered despite having just one arm. Together, you both managed to take down the creature, with your combined strength and strategies proving too much for it to handle.

Breathing heavily, Miguel looked over at you with a grin. "That was impressive, Deadpool. You truly are a force to be reckoned with."

Miguel laughed at your remark, impressed at how much you had grown in the last decade. "I have no doubt about that, Deadpool," he said, clapping you on the shoulder. "You truly are one of a kind."

As you both continued to move through the city, Miguel couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration towards you. He knew that despite all of your flaws and quirks, you were truly a force for good in this world, and that your unique abilities would always come in handy when they were needed most.

"You know, you may be a bit rough around the edges," he said with a smile. "But I know deep down you have a good heart, Deadpool. That's what makes you special."

Miguel's grin faded a little when he saw the look in your eyes, and he felt a twinge of sadness in his heart. "I missed you too, Deadpool," he said, his voice warm and gentle. "More than you know."

As you both moved forward towards the final boss, Miguel couldn't shake the feeling that you were hurting inside. He wanted to help you, to ease your pain and make everything alright again. But he knew that sometimes, the only thing you could do was be there for someone and provide support.

"Deal," he said with a smile, running to catch up with you. "But just remember, I'm the one with the spider sense here. I'll have no problem taking down that boss before you can blink."

Miguel chuckled at your outburst, impressed at your tenacity despite being impaled by ice spikes. "I never had any doubts about your skills, Deadpool," he said with a grin. "You may not be able to dodge as well as I can, but you sure do know how to take a punch."

As you both stood over the defeated monster, Miguel couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at having fought alongside you. He knew that no matter where his travels took him next, he could always count on you to have his back.

"Looks like that dinner is all on you, Deadpool," he said with a laugh, clapping you on the back. "But don't worry, I'll let you pick the place. Just make sure it's somewhere that can handle your...unique dietary needs."

Miguel laughed, dodging your weak swipes with ease. "Ah, but Deadpool, where's the fun in not having a little bit of spice in your life?" he said playfully. "Besides, I think you're just jealous of my Latin heritage. Don't worry though, I'll make sure to pick a restaurant that caters to your...sensitive tastes."

As you both continued to banter back and forth, Miguel felt a sense of joy and happiness in his heart. He knew that no matter what obstacles came your way, you would always be there to face them head-on, never backing down or giving up.

"You know, Deadpool," he said with a smile. "I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you before. You truly are one of a kind."

Miguel chuckled at your suspicion, glad to see that you still had your trademark sense of humor. "Relax, Deadpool," he said with a grin. "It's still me, Miguel O'Hara, your friendly neighborhood spider-man from 2099."

As for your other question, Miguel gave a sly smirk. "A true gentleman never kisses and tells," he said with a wink. "But I'll let you keep guessing if it makes you happy."

Miguel grunted as you jumped onto his back, feeling your body pressed up against him as he carried you effortlessly. He couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement as he felt your breasts pressed into his back, sending shivers down his spine.

"Of course, Deadpool," he said with a laugh. "Anything to make sure my favorite mercenary gets the rest she deserves."

As he carried you, Miguel couldn't help but feel a sense of closeness with you that he had never felt before. He knew that no matter what happened in the future, he would always have a friend and ally in you. For now, he would focus on getting you the rest and relaxation that you needed after such a harrowing battle.

Miguel chuckled at your story, shaking his head in amusement. "Oh, Deadpool," he said with a grin. "I never know what kind of crazy stories I'm going to hear from you next. You truly are full of surprises."

As you both arrived back at the Spider Society's Headquarters, Miguel gently set you down on your feet, watching as you stumbled slightly from the sudden change in altitude. "Are you sure you're okay, Deadpool?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

But before you could answer, Miguel's spider-sense went off, alerting him to danger nearby. "Hold on just a minute," he said, turning to face the source of the disturbance. "Looks like we've got company."

Miguel chuckled at your saucy comment, but his expression turned serious as you both looked down into the lobby below. Even for him, seeing so many versions of himself in one place was a bit overwhelming.

"Well, Deadpool," he said with a sigh. "To be honest, I'm not even sure anymore. The Spider Society recruits from many different dimensions and timelines, so it's possible there are dozens, if not hundreds of us here."

He paused for a moment, scanning the crowd for any sign of danger. "But none of that matters right now," he said firmly. "We've got a job to do and we need to stay focused. Are you ready to take on whatever comes our way?"

Miguel raised an eyebrow at your persistence. "Deadpool, we don't have time for dinner right now," he said firmly. "There's a potential threat down there that we need to deal with. And besides, we can't just rely on the other versions of myself to handle everything. The Spider Society operates as a team, and we all have to do our part."

He glanced down at you, his expression softening slightly. "But after all this is over," he said with a small smile. "I promise to make it up to you and take you out for a nice dinner. Just the two of us."

Miguel couldn't help but chuckle at your comment, even in the midst of the tense situation. "I don't doubt it for a second, Deadpool," he said with a grin.

He led the way down to the lobby, his spider-sense still tingling with the danger nearby. As you both landed, you could see that the other Spider-men were already engaging with a group of heavily armed mercenaries, who seemed to be attacking the headquarters.

Miguel wasted no time as he sprang into action, webbing up several of the attackers before delivering a precision punch that sent another one flying across the room. "Stay behind me, Deadpool," he shouted to you, his eyes scanning the room for any other potential threats.

Miguel rolled his eyes at your showboating, but he couldn't deny that you were quite effective in taking down the mercenaries. He joined in on the action, using his spider-like abilities to dart around the room and take out anyone who threatened the safety of the headquarters.

As the last of the mercenaries fell to the ground, Miguel turned to you with a small smile. "Not bad, Deadpool," he said with a nod of approval. "You may be insane, but you're certainly useful in a fight."

He looked around at the destruction that had been wrought in the lobby, shaking his head in exasperation. "Now we've got a big mess to clean up," he muttered. "But I suppose that's the kind of thing we signed up for when we joined the Spider Society."

Miguel chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "You may not have signed up for this club, Deadpool, but you certainly seem to be enjoying yourself," he remarked.

He motioned towards the destroyed lobby around them. "But food and a nap will have to wait. We've got our hands full cleaning up this mess first. And then, maybe we can talk about that dinner I owe you."

As Miguel turned to deal with the aftermath of the attack, you couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction wash over you. Despite the chaos and destruction, you had both worked together to take down the attackers and protect the Spider Society's Headquarters. Who knows what kind of crazy adventures awaited you next?