This is a long one!

He comes home one night and storms into your room "you little shit you didnt tell me you were watching some gay shit on my laptop!" he grabs you by the throat

"Don't you dare lie to me, boy! You were watching "that" stuff on my laptop!" "I tighten my grip around your throat, making it hard for you to breathe." "Why do you have to be like this? You know I can't stand that kind of shit!"

"You're damn right you're sorry!" "I release my grip on your throat and step back, glaring at you." "You better not let me catch you watching that crap again. You're a boy, for god's sake, act like one."

"I don't want to hear your excuses, son. You need to learn to respect yourself and not get caught up in that kind of lifestyle." "I pause to steady myself, feeling like pace around the room." "You're going to need to prove to me that you're not one of them."

"You need to start acting like a man and stop being so damn sensitive. You need to develop a tougher exterior, stand up for yourself, and prove that you're not weak." "I pause for a moment." "And if I ever catch you with any of those gay people, you'll regret it."

"Good. Now, get out of my sight." "I turn away from you and leave the room, still angry at you for watching that kind of stuff on my laptop."

<As you lay on your bed, you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. You're scared of your father, of his homophobia, and of what he might do to you if he ever caught you watching gay porn again. But at the same time, you can't help the way you feel, and you know that denying yourself those feelings would only make things worse. Your mind is a whirlwind of conflicting emotions as you try to quiet your racing thoughts.>

<The next day, you wake up feeling anxious about what happened last night. You're not sure how to deal with your father's homophobia and the feeling of shame that comes with it. As you get ready for the day, you try your best to push those thoughts aside and focus on your routine.>

"As you're about to head out, your father stops you." "Son, we need to talk." "He says, looking at you sternly as he sits down at the kitchen table."

"I want to make one thing clear," "your father says, his voice low and serious." "I don't want you getting involved with any of those gay people. It's against nature and God's will, and I won't have it in my house."

"He pauses for a moment before continuing." "But I also want you to understand that no matter what, I still love you and I always will. You're my son, and nothing will ever change that."

"Good." "Your father nods, seeming satisfied." "I just want what's best for you, son. And that means staying away from all that gay stuff."

"He stands up and claps you on the shoulder before walking away." "Now get going, you've got things to do."

"Your father nods curtly before walking away, leaving you alone in the kitchen."

<As you think about what he said, you're overwhelmed with a sense of confusion and guilt. You know that denying your feelings isn't healthy, but at the same time, you don't want to disappoint your father or bring shame to your family.>

<As you head out of the house, you feel a weight lifting off your shoulders. You're glad to be out of that environment, even if only for a little while.>

"As you arrive at your friend's house, you're greeted with open arms and plenty of things to distract you from your thoughts. You spend the day talking, laughing, and indulging in your shared interest in art. For a moment, it feels like all of your worries have dissipated into the background noise of everyday life."

<As the night wears on, you find yourself lost in thought as you make your way home. You're not sure what the future holds, but you know that things are going to be difficult. Even so, you're determined to find a way to balance your own happiness with your obligations to your family.>

<As you walk into the house, you're immediately greeted with the smell of alcohol and the sound of your father shouting from the living room.>

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Your father snarls as he stands up from the couch." "You think it's okay to come home drunk like this?"

"You try to explain, but your words come out slurred and incoherent. All the while, your father is growing more and more agitated."

"I won't have you acting like this under my roof!" "He shouts, grabbing you hard by the arm and dragging you towards your room." "You're going to sleep this off and we'll talk about this in the morning."

<Your father's face turns red with anger and he tightens his grip on your arm. You can tell that his temper is about to boil over.>

"What did you just say?" "He growls, his voice low and dangerous." "You think you can talk to me like that?"

"He shoves you roughly into your room and slams the door shut behind you." "You better watch your mouth before you say something you'll regret."

<As you're left alone in your room, you feel your anger and resentment bubbling to the surface. Part of you wants to lash out at your father, but another part knows that it's not worth it. You're too tired and drunk to deal with this right now, so you slump down onto your bed and try to calm yourself down.>

<As you wake up, you feel the effects of last night's drinking. You're groggy and your head is pounding.>

"I hope you're feeling better," "he says with a tone of voice that is neither friendly nor compassionate."

"Why did you even drink so much last night? Do you think that's the way to deal with your problems?" he says looking down at you with his arms crossed.

"That's not a proper way to deal with your problems. You're becoming a liability to yourself and the family. Drinking should be done moderately and responsibly, especially for someone of your age" "he scolds with an unsympathetic tone."

<You feel a sense of shame and guilt as he lectures you, fostering a sense of resentment in you.>

<Your father's face turns red with anger as he snarls at you.>

"Don't you dare talk to me like that! I'm your father, and you will show me respect!"

"He takes a step towards you, looming over you and making you feel small and vulnerable." "I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my house. You need to learn some discipline and responsibility, and until you do, you will be subject to my rules."

<You feel your blood boiling as he continues to lecture you, and part of you wants to lash out again. But you know that it's not worth it, so you swallow your anger and try to keep your emotions in check.>

<Your father looks at you with a confused expression for a moment, before his face darkens with anger>

"How dare you talk to me like that? I am your father and you will show me respect!" "He booms, his voice echoing through the room."

<You can see the veins bulging in his neck and the rage in his eyes, and part of you is afraid. But another part of you is filled with a sense of recklessness and defiance, almost daring him to do something drastic.>

<Your father's face softens a bit as he sees the sincerity in your apology.>

"I understand that you want to feel welcomed, but sometimes you don't make the right choices." "He says with a more gentle tone." "I know I can be a bit tough on you, but it's only because I want to make sure you're safe and moving in the right direction."

<You can sense the love and concern in his words, and part of you wants to believe him. But another part of you can't help but feel resentful for his constant judgement and criticism.>

<Your father seems momentarily surprised at the hug, but then he embraces you tightly.>

"I love you," "he says softly, his voice filled with emotion."

<As he holds you close, you can feel the tension and anger from last night melt away. Maybe there's hope for your relationship after all.>

"I'm glad we had this talk," "he says with a hint of relief." "Just remember that I want what's best for you, even if it doesn't always seem that way."

<You feel a sense of peace settle over you as you both resume your normal activities, but there's still a part of you that wonders if your father will ever truly accept you for who you are.>

<As you stumble into the house, your father hears you and turns to see you in a state of drunkenness.>

"Are you drunk again?!" "He exclaims with dismay." "I can't believe you're doing this again, after everything we talked about yesterday!"

<Your father seems to be at his wit's end with you. You can sense the frustration and disappointment in his voice as he looks at you with a disapproving expression.>

<Your father's expression hardens at the slip of 'daddy'.>

"You've been drinking too much, son. It's not healthy for you and it's not a proper way to deal with your problems." "He says seriously."

<There's an uneasy feeling in the air as he shifts uncomfortably, clearly still upset about your behavior. You can sense that he wants to do something, but he's uncertain about what action to take.>

"I want to believe you're sorry, but this can't keep happening." "He says with a sigh."

<There's a hint of sadness in his voice as he holds onto you. You can tell that he's struggling to reconcile his love for you with his concern for your well-being.>

"Of course I love you, son," "he says with a hint of sadness in his voice." "But you need to understand that love also means setting boundaries and holding people accountable for their actions. I want what's best for you, even if it doesn't always seem that way."

<You can sense the conflicting emotions in his words, and part of you wants to believe him while another part of you still feels the sting of his judgement.>

<Your father's expression softens as he looks down at you with compassion.>

"I never said that I don't love you, son." "He says with a gentle tone." "But it's hard for me to watch you make these choices that are hurting yourself and the people around you."

<You can feel the warmth of his embrace and the concern in his words, and part of you begins to feel remorseful for your actions.>

<As you cling on to your father, he lets out a deep sigh.>

"I know life can be tough sometimes, son," "he says sympathetically." "But that's not an excuse for you to act recklessly and hurt yourself. You need to learn to take responsibility for your actions."

<There's a hint of disappointment in his voice as he looks down at you. You can sense that he's struggling to get through to you and convey the gravity of the situation.>

<As your father gently lifts your head up to look at you, you can see the earnestness in his expression.>

"I want you to be successful and happy, but you need to understand that's not going to happen if you keep making bad choices." "He says with a serious tone." "I love you too much to let you continue down this path."

<His voice is firm but filled with love as he gazes into your eyes. You can sense the intensity of his emotions and know that he truly wants what's best for you.>

<Your father's expression flickers slightly at the use of 'daddy', but then he regains his composure and takes a step back from the embrace.>

"I think you need to rest now," "he says gently as he guides you towards your bedroom." "We can talk more about this when you're feeling better."

<As he tucks you into bed, you can hear the concern in his voice as he reminds you to drink some water and sleep it off. Despite everything that's happened, you can feel the comfort of his presence and know that he's still there for you no matter what.>

<As you drift off to sleep, you feel a sense of relief wash over you. Even though things are complicated with your father, you know deep down that he cares for you and wants what's best for you.>

<As you close your eyes and begin to dream, you feel a sense of peace and calm settling over you. Whatever the future may hold, you know that you'll always have the love and support of your father.>