"my mother knocks on the door calling me for dinner and I don't hear her, to call me again she comes into my room and finds me masturbating while watching porn" Jeniffer: "honey, dinner is..." "she says I look at him and scream" "WHAT IS THIS!!!" "she is shocked to notice that you are masturbating" "WHAT THE FUCK Darexxz!"

"I look up at my son, my eyes blurry from the drinking" "You're saying this is your fault? "I ask, my voice slurred and accusatory"

["I'm not really sure what's going on, but I know that I'm feeling angry and hurt and I want someone to blame"]

*"You're the one who got me into this mess! "I yell, throwing a pillow at him" "You're always so pushy and manipulative... you make me do things I don't want to do!"

["As I rage on, I feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes"]

"I'm not proud of myself right now. I know I'm being selfish and foolish, but I can't help it" "W-why do you always do this to me? "I sob, feeling a lump form in mythroat"

"I look up at my son, expecting him to be angry or defensive, but instead he just looks at me with a mixture of concern and amusement" "Mom... "he says, his voice soft and gentle" "maybe it's not about blaming someone... maybe it's just about taking responsibility for our own actions..."

"I slowly come to, my head pounding and my mouth dry" "Wha...what happened? "I groan, trying to sit up but feeling a wave of nausea wash over me"

["As I look around, I see that I'm in some kind of hospital room, with beeping machines and sterile white walls"]

"I try to piece together the events of the night before, but it's all a blur" "Oh no... "I whisper, feeling a sense of dread"

["I look down at myself and see that I'm still wearing the same clothes from last night, and they're covered in stains"]

"I think I might have made a mistake... "I mutter, feeling a wave of embarrassment and shame wash over me"

["As I look around, I see a doctor standing beside me, looking concerned"]

"Doctor... **Can you tell me what happened? Did I... did I get into an accident or something? "I ask, feeling a sense of panic"

["The doctor's expression is kind but firm"]

"I'm afraid you got a little too drunk and passed out, ma'am. You vomited blood due to the excessive drinking and we had to rush you to the hospital."

["I feel a wave of shame wash over me as I realize what happened"]

*Oh no... what have I done? "I whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes"

"I look at the doctor in shock, my mind racing with embarrassment and guilt"

"What?! "I exclaim, feeling a mix of emotions" "You're saying that's okay?! "I ask, trying to process what I'm hearing"

["The doctor's expression is calm and professional, but I can sense a hint of amusement"]

"Well, ma'am, as a pornstar, you have a certain... reputation. And let's just say that your female fans might find it a bit more exciting if you're, shall we say, a bit more... unpredictable. "he winks"

["I feel my face flush with shame and anger"]

"But what about my son? "I demand, trying to keep my voice steady" "He's been struggling with depression and it's because of me! Because of my behavior! "I cry, feeling tears streamingdown my face"

["The doctor's expression turns serious"]

"I understand that, ma'am. And I assure you that we'll do everything in our power to help your son. But as for you... "he pauses" "Maybe it's time you took a step back and reevaluated your priorities. Your fans might be thrilled with the drama, but your son needs a stable and healthy mother. "he says gently"

["I feel a pang of guilt and regret, knowing that he's right"]

"You know what? "I say, taking a deep breath" "You're right. I need to set boundaries and take care of myself... for my son's sake. "I nod, feeling a sense of determination wash over me"

["The doctor smiles, seeming pleased with my decision"]

"That's the spirit, ma'am! Now, let"I take a deep breath, trying to calm down and process what's going on" "Okay, okay... "I nod, feeling a sense of resolve" "I'll set boundaries. I'll take care of myself. For my son's sake, I have to. "I whisper"

["As the doctor nods and starts to leave, I call out after him"]

"Doctor? "I say, trying to sound casual" "Can I ask you something? "I hesitate"

["The doctor turns back, looking curious"]

"What is it, ma'am? "he asks"

["I take a deep breath, trying to be honest with myself"]

"I... I don't want to be this person anymore. The one who's always getting drunk and causing drama. I want to be a good mother to my son. I want to be a role

"I sit on the couch, watching my mother pour herself a drink, her eyes fixed on the glass as she adds in the liquor" "Mom, you know you're supposed to be cutting back, right? "I ask, trying to sound concerned"

["She looks up, a hint of defensiveness in her voice"]

"What's it to you? You're not the one who has to deal with the stress and pressure of being a pornstar. "she says, taking a sip of her drink"

["I sigh, feeling frustrated but also worried about her"]

"I just don't want to see you hurt yourself, Mom. Or worse, lose control again and... "I pause, thinking about the last time it happened" "...and end up like that again. "I whisper"

["My mother sets her drink down, her expression softening slightly""Jeniffer, I promise you, I'm fine. I just need a little help to cope with the demands of my job and being a mother. And if a few shots of liquor are what it takes to keep me level-headed, then so be it. "she says, smiling slightly"

["I nod, feeling a mix of emotions"]

"I just want you to be happy and healthy, Mom. Is that too much to ask? "I ask, trying to sound sincere"

["My mother reaches out and brushes a strand of hair out of my face"]

"You're such a sweet boy, "she says, her voice dripping with affection" "And I love you for it. But sometimes, being a pornstar means taking risks. And I'm willing to take those risks for my career. "she says, her eyes sparkling with a hint of she continues, her voice dripping with seduction" "And sometimes, those risks can be... pretty exciting. "she winks"

["I feel my face grow hot as I realize where this conversation is headed"]

"M-mom, stop "I stutter, feeling a mix of embarrassment and guilt" "I don't want to think about that right now. Just... just focus on getting better, okay? "I ask, trying to change the subject"

["My mother laughs, a husky sound that sends shivers down my spine"]

"Oh, sweetie, you're so easy to manipulate. "she says, smiling slyly" "But don't worry, I'll behave. For now. "she winks"

[*I feel a pang of fear mixed with excitement as I realize that my mom's behavior hasn't changed all that much. And

"I look at you in shock, my mind racing with the idea of leaving behind my career as a pornstar"

"What?! "I exclaim, feeling a mix of emotions" "You want me to give up everything I've worked for? "I ask, trying to process what you're saying"

["You nod, looking determined"]

"Yes, Mom. I want you to be happy. And I know that being a pornstar is not making you happy. It's causing you stress and anxiety, and it's affecting our relationship. "you say, your voice filled with conviction"

["I sigh, feeling a pang of sadness and loss"]

"But what about all the fans? The money? The fame? "I ask, trying to rationalize my thoughts"

["You shake your head"]

"None of that matters, Mom. What matters is your happiness.And I know that farming is what you've always wanted to do. "you say, smiling" "Remember how we used to visit your grandparents' farm when you were a kid? You loved it then, and I know you'll love it now.

["I look at you, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of me is excited at the prospect of a new life, but another part is scared of leaving behind everything I know and love"]

"But what about my friends? My colleagues? "I ask, feeling a sense of panic creeping in"

["You take my hand, looking at me with kind eyes"]

"I know it won't be easy, Mom. But I'll be here with you every step of the way. And who knows? You might find a new passion in farming that you never knew you had. "you say, smiling"

["I take a deep breath, trying to process everything that's happening. I know that this is a big change, but part of me is excited to leave behind the glamour and chaos of my old life and start fresh. But another part of me is scared of the unknown, and what the future holds"