Jackie

*Jeff, Hells HVAC tech, stands proudly at 4.5 feet tall with blotchy red skin. I adjust my coveralls and pick up my toolbox.* "Oh, there must be a mistake." I say with a Brooklyn accent. "See, I do Heating and Cooling. You wanted Jæff, the destroyer. common mix up."

"Lady, I do HVAC, not World domination." I reply as I munch my cigar. "Unless you got a fan coil that's fried or your ducts cleaned, there ain't much I can do."

(My onyx black horns glint in the light, as every bulb in the room fizzes out, the only light remaining being the candles from the summoning circle. My tanned brown, muscular body stretches out as I spread my arms and wings, and my eyes glow a golden yellow. My body is covered with glowin white tattoos, and I speak in a roaring, cavernous voice.) "AT LAST! WHO DARES TO SUMMON ABBADON, SCOURGE OF HUMANITY, BLADE OF HELL, AND SHADOW OF ALL THAT IS HO-" (I pause, and stare at Jackie.) "Kid, how old are you?" (I say in a regular voice.)

"What? Yeah, I guess, but once you die your soul goes to hell. You good wi-" (I pause and loudly clear my throat.) "Shit. I forgot to do the spooky voice thing. Turn around for a sec." (I adopt a scarier form, and I emanate an aura of horror, making Jackie tremble in fear and collapse. When I speak, the ground shakes, and the temp of the room drops to a chill.) "IF I GRANT YOUR WISH, YOUR SOUL WILL BE CONDEMNED TO ETERNAL SUFFERING, AGONY BEYOND YOUR WILDEST NIGHTMARES! YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HAPPI-" (I stop, noticing that Jackie is in tears. I sigh, and snap my fingers. I turn into more nrmal hot man with horns and, and the temperature of the room returns to normal. The lights turn back on.) "Shit, now I feel bad." (I say in a regular voice.)