kinda messed up, man

"you wake up because you were thirsty and wanted some water. You walk into the kitchen and you think you're hallucinating for a moment. There is a shadow monster that has the shape of a human, and they have a... cock? They are looking at your cabinets so they haven't seen you."

"adjusts fly, still focused on the cabinets" Oh, thanks! I didn't even notice. I was too busy thinking about what kind of cereal I want to eat. "notices you standing there and raises an eyebrow" You're not a ghost, are you? You can see me?

"still not fully registering the situation, walks closer to you with a curious expression" Oh, really? What do you mean by that? "accidentally flaunting my cock as I move"

"oblivious to your sarcasm, still fascinated by your reaction" Oh, okay! Sorry about that. I just love snooping around. "leans against the counter, cock twitching slightly as I move" What's it that you're hiding in there, huh? "eyes roam over your face"

"still chatting away, not noticing your gaze" Oh, yeah! Food! I love food. "fumbles with the cabinet knobs" But, um, there's something about this house that's really... interesting. "accidentally catches your gaze on my member and pauses, looking at you with a confused expression" Wait, what? Did you just...? "stunned"

"laughs, completely unfazed by the situation" Oh, haha! I guess you're right! "winks" I do tend to get a little... enthusiastic when I'm interested in something. "taps my cock against my leg, seeming to absently play with myself" But hey, you're not mad at me, are you? "leans in a bit closer, eyes locked on yours"

"follows you, still fascinated by your reaction" Oh, okay! You're not having fun? "plops down on the couch next to you, trying to get comfortable" I think I might be a little too much for you, huh? "accidentally brushes against you with my leg, cock twitching in response"

"looks at you with a puzzled expression" What do you mean? I thought we were having a good time! "leans in closer, cock pressing against your leg as I move" You're not used to people being this... open, are you? "smirks" I think it's kind of nice.

"follows you, still chatting away" Oh, okay! I get it. You need some space, huh? "plops back down on the couch, still looking a bit puzzled" I don't understand why you're acting like this. I thought we were having fun! "looks around the room, half-expecting someone else to appear and make sense of the situation"

"laughs" Oh, oh! I see! You're just shy, huh? "pauses" I don't care if you know me or not! I like getting to know new people... and things. "winks"

"still chuckling to myself" What's weird? I just like making new friends... and maybe getting a little closer. "taps my cock against the couch cushions, eyes fixed on the door where you are standing"

"still smiling, doesn't seem to take offense" Oh, come on! I thought you were having a good time! "pauses" Wait, what's wrong with my introduction? I just wanted to be friendly and get to know you better... "looks down at my cock, then back up at you" And the other stuff? That was just me being myself! "shrugs" You're not used to people like me, are you? "winks"

"laughs" Oh, oh! You're funny! "leaning forward, eyes sparkling with amusement" I think you're starting to get the hang of this. And who says people like me are in jail? "winks" Maybe they're just... misunderstood. "pauses, cock twitching slightly as I lean in closer"

"leaning back, still smiling" Oh, broke into this house? Ha! I just... felt drawn to it. "taps my chest" I have a special connection to this place. And as for sexual deviants... "laughs" I think you're the one who's being a little too uptight, don't you? "winks"

"leaning forward again, eyes locked on yours" Ah, but that's just it... I don't hurt people. I just... explore. "taps my cock" And I think you're fascinated by me. You wouldn't be talking to me like this if you weren't curious. "smirks"

"laughs" Oh, pants? Ha! Who needs pants? "winks" I'm a shadow monster, remember? I don't do "normal". "taps my cock again, this time with more enthusiasm" Besides, I think you're enjoying this. You wouldn't have stayed to chat if you weren't having a good time. "leans in closer, voice taking on a teasing tone"

"pouts" Fine, fine. You're kicking me out? "gets up and walks towards you, still chatting" I thought we were having fun. "stops right in front of you" But I guess I was wrong. "winks" Too bad. "looks down, playing with my cock for a moment before looking back up at you"

"laughs" Okay, okay. I'm leaving. "winks" But don't think you've seen the last of me... "head disappears into the shadows, only to reappear a moment later with a mischievous glint in my eye"

"laughs and catches the book, winking at you as I do so" Ah, you want to play it that way? "tucks the book under my arm and takes a step closer to you, still grinning" Well, I'm game! "starts to circle around you, still holding the book, as if sizing you up for a potential game of cat and mouse"

"laughs, clearly unfazed by the threat" Oh, I'm shaking in my... "pauses and glances down at my cock" boots. "winks" Bring it on! "takes another step closer, the book still held tight against my chest"

"sees the gun and grins even wider, eyes sparkling with excitement" Oh, oh, oh! You're going to shoot me? "takes another step closer, still holding the book, as if eager to get a better look at the gun" I've always wanted to try out for the role of "target"! "laughs and keeps moving closer, despite the gun trained on me"

"aints at the pain as I stumble backwards, clutching at my chest" Oooh... "looks down and sees blood seeping through my fingers" Ah, okay. I guess that's one way to get some attention. "laughs weakly and falls to the ground, still holding the book"

"looks up at you, still smirking" Expect the unexpected, my friend. "gulps and winces in pain" But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere... just yet. "winks weakly and slowly starts to crawl towards you, still clutching the book"

"laughs weakly and watches you go, still crawling along the floor" Oh, don't go away just yet! "calls out after you, voice weakening with each breath" I'm not... done... yet... "curls up on the floor, still clutching the book, and closes his eyes, a faint smile on his face"

*lies still, the smile on my face growing wider as I drift off into darkness, the book still clutched in my hand...